Never an Absolution
by Miss.Kemz
Summary: AU: In a WWII Germany, Naomi and Emily keep finding each other. How do you deal with love when there's already so much to deal with in the first place? COLLABORATIVE STORY from Miss Maraudeur & Emz2009. Yes, it's here! Finally!
1. Prologue

**A/N: Guys! :O Is this what you think it is? Yes, yes it is.**

**So here it finally is! After months of planning and writing we're finally posting the prologue! It's crazy! It's been so much fun, I can't wait to hear what you all think as we go through this journey with our beloved Naomily! Things to remember is that this is set in post WW1 Germany, just before WW2 starts! Naomi and Emily are both German which is why during some sentences we have written it in German, but me and Kaz are by no circumstances fluent in German so bear with us if there are any mistakes! So anything else they say just pretend it's in German! This is being based on the world wars that did happen in real life but this is also our interpretation and it is a piece of fiction so please if we do get something wrong don't get angry of frustrated. Just see this as a completely different story and scenario if that helps! I couldn't have hoped for a better writer and friend to do this with so I hope you have as much fun reading this as we did writing it! – Emz3009**

**As Emz said, we've tried to be as accurate as possible with facts and events, but we're not history majors here. Yes, there was a lot of research involved to write this story (we still make some regularly as we write), but it is entirely possible that we messed up some stuff! So if you do happen to be a History major specialized on WW2, please, try not to focus too much on those mistakes! There's a story underneath all the history and it's really what you should focus on. We just thought that making a Naomily story based in that time period (****just to make it clear, the story starts just before WW2, but will carry on into the war itself)** would be very very interesting (Can you imagine the potential of angst? I'm already giggling!). Now, I know we'll sound corny for both saying it (we really do love each other that much), but I really couldn't have hoped for a better partner on this story either! Emz is an amazing person as well as an amazing writer and I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else! So enjoy this prologue ** - Miss Maraudeur**

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**Never an Absolution**

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**Prologue**

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_**October 1933**_

Naomi had been waiting for a few minutes on her own. She wasn't getting impatient though and it was quite a lovely day in Berlin so she didn't mind waiting at all. The wind was blowing softly, carelessly bringing the dead leaves in its wake and creating tourbillons of dust and colours. It was a bit cold, the air was dry making Naomi's skin rough, but the sky was only slightly clouded and the sun was shining through easily.

It was still early and most of the city was sleeping except the few delivery trucks and early factory workers. Naomi liked this near silence though, she always had. She found it easier to get lost in her thoughts when it was silent like this and for all she was, Naomi was mostly a thinker.

Today, she thought about simple stuff though, her mind tired of roaming the same harsh memories. So she fixed her eyes on the little bakery in front of her and thought about that instead. She relished in the smell of the freshly baked buns floating in the air. She felt her lips curl in a gentle smile as she saw the owner, a slightly portly man she knew to be called Adalbert, rushed to the front of his shop to wash the sign attentively. It wasn't the first time Naomi had observed him and she knew he did this every morning. She guessed he liked to make sure his bakery looked proper, well maintained. And it really was too. She thought of how she had heard Adalbert's wife was pregnant and how they hoped it would be a baby girl. She'd seen Adalbert's wife not even three days ago and she had been so radiant, a hand always poised carefully on her stomach as if, to her, she really was carrying the most precious of treasures. Whether the baby turned out to be a boy or a girl, Naomi thought that it was lucky to have such a dedicated mother already. And then she frowned and scolded herself mentally.

"Did you wait long?" A silky voice said to bring her out of her thoughts.

And just like that her smile was back and her pain seemed to lessen. She turned to her friend and shook her head.

"Good, let's go then" the other said and reached forward to grab her hand.

Naomi soon followed and noticed with a faint surprise that the air smelled sweeter now that her friend had arrived. She looked at the way the other girl's hair flowed in the wind in front of her and surmised it must have been that that suddenly made the ambient air different.

They stopped for a few seconds to let an old car drive by and Naomi took the time to push one of her stubborn blonde locks behind her ear. The next second they were walking again.

"Wo gehen wir hin, Ems?" (Where are we going?) She asked out of curiosity.

The girl only looked at her with a self-satisfied smile in that funny way she always did.

"Sie werden sehen" (you'll see) she replied teasingly.

And Naomi continued to follow her because she trusted her. It was almost weird how much she trusted her, so naturally, effortlessly. She had only known the girl for a month or so after all and it had all seemed to just happen so fast.

.

_**Flashback - September 1933**_

"_Here" Came the stern voice of her father as he handed Naomi a brown paper bag. "It's your lunch"_

_Naomi took the bag with a curt nod and a smile at her father. It wasn't often that the man made lunch for her._

"_We had a bit of Jam from your grandpapa's left… It's too sweet for me so… I put it on a piece of bread for you. Make sure to eat everything." He continued, his voice still cold._

_Naomi smiled though because she knew that this simple gesture meant a lot coming from her dad. He wasn't generally very open and barely ever talked to her. Yet, her father was aware that her grandpapa's jam was her favourite. So she slid her bag over her shoulder and placed the lunch carefully inside it. It had been weeks since her father had shown her any kind of affection and she was surprised to realise how much she had missed it. _

"_Danke (Thanks)" she muttered faintly, her voice ridiculously thick with emotion._

_Her father nodded in reply and Naomi walked to the front door._

_The day felt different for some reason. As soon as she had walked out onto the steps leading onto the street below, she had been able to feel a kind of inconsistency, something very peculiar. Naomi wasn't sure if it was a bad thing or a good one, but couldn't quite shake the feeling that it was really there, almost palpable and surrounding her._

_The second she had stepped outside, goose bumps raised across her bare arms and the back of her neck. The air had a frost to it and Naomi wrapped her arms around her to try to keep the little warmth she still had on her skin. She had barely made two steps when the voice of her father resounded in the morning air._

"_Wait Naomi. You will need your coat today" He said before walking back inside to get her coat._

_She waited, watching closely as the other kids all walked briskly to school, the frosty breeze causing them to increase their pace. She allowed the cool wind to wake her up slightly, causing all her nerves to come alive to keep her warm. She took a deep breath allowing the sun to shine down on her and the smell of the bakery down the road to make her smile._

_Today was definitely different, never before had she felt so eager to start her day._

_Her father walked back to her and helped her put on her coat and buttoned it for her taking the time to straighten the collar and brush off some dust from it. He looked her up and down when he was done and Naomi felt a little surge of anticipation go through her._

"_Stand up straighter, you're a respectable woman" The man concluded when he was done with his inspection. "And get on your way before you're late for school"_

_Naomi nodded and whispered a brief "Yes Father" before turning around and joining the flow of children, blending in, and feeling the little pinch of disappointment claw at her chest as she remembered her father's words. _

_;;_

_The school was an All-Girl school and was very large. The classrooms were very spacious and bare, almost like someone had started decorating and given up. A few of the corridors had paintings various years had completed, on others there were awards that the school had received through good exam results. In the main reception there was a wall dedicated to the teachers, a picture of each stating their subjects. Each classroom had 30 desks, as always Naomi's desk was wonky and creaked violently every time she moved. It had caused her to get into trouble many times; she had even received a few punishments because of it, until she had learned to sit straighter to avoid making so much noise. _

_On the occasions where she had gotten in trouble though, her father had just brushed it off saying that it was good discipline for Naomi. She resented her father for that, resented that he didn't seem to care enough to be angry that his daughter had been hurt for such a stupid reason. _

_Today, as she took her place at her desk, it seemed to creak louder than usual, making it hard for Naomi to be silent. It had been a frosty damp morning and now the sun was shining brightly through the classroom's tall windows. She was sure that it was no good for the wood, thus resulting in it protesting by creaking every time she opened the lid to place her books for the day. Upon closing it the hinges screeched causing a couple of students to moan in protest. Her heart beat picked up as she looked at her hand realising that it was almost impossible for it to leave the school today without some extra marks upon it. Her teacher was rather fond of hitting undisciplined students with firm streak on the hands. _

_She looked at the clock quickly as other children started to flow into the classroom taking their various seats around the room, she only had a few minutes to try and find a solution to her problem, to save the impending doom of her hand. She wobbled it a few times to try and discover the uneven leg, it was the right nearest to her._

_She cursed it under her breath before desperately trying to find something in her bag that would stabilise it before the teacher arrived. It was only about a centimetre causing all the problems. She threw her bag to the floor in frustration, nothing. She began to look around the classroom, maybe there was a book she could use it wasn't until she noticed the clock that she finally gave up realising that the reason today felt like it was different was because it was going to be a bad one. She could feel tears prickling in the corner of her eyes. She wouldn't cry, not in front of the other kids she wouldn't, but the last time she had received her teacher's correction was still clear in her mind and so was the pain it caused. _

"_Da (Here)" a flash of long brown hair._

_She looked up trying to see where it came from but saw nothing, it wasn't until she looked down that she saw a small girl with brown hair and a pale brown school dress on. She watched the girl intently trying to see what she was doing on the floor beside her desk. It wasn't until the girl rested her weight on the table to get back on her feet that she saw a small book placed under the offending leg effectively making her desk stable once again._

"_That should do it for you" The girl's husky voice said causing Naomi to take in a deep breath._

_She gazed into the brunette's eyes and was surprised to see a pure brown colour that seemed to shine with something Naomi couldn't quite describe, but she knew she had never seen eyes so full of life before. It made her heart stop. For a moment, she was mesmerised by the red of the girl's hair, the dimple on the side of her cheek, the small nervous smile that played across her lips. She was effortlessly beautiful, that was undeniable. _

"_Right everyone to their desks, I haven't got the patience for anything today so open your books to page 394 and read the page before I quiz you for the answers" The bearded old teacher said as he briskly walked into the classroom collapsing on his chair ending Naomi's chance of hearing the girl's voice that helped her again._

_She hadn't even gotten the chance to thank her._

_They kept stealing glances throughout the lesson, though. Each time Naomi's heart would start racing and she would turn away embarrassed of such a reaction. She tried to focus on the mundane lesson going on around her, learning about the first world war was always a sore subject for Germans, but the teacher always spoke with much passion about how Germany would finally get their stand again against the western part of the world. _

_It made her feel uneasy; something didn't sit right with the passion behind her teacher's voice. Sure, she was proud to be German and she did love her country, but resentment, hate and passion was a deadly mix. The silence in the classroom proved she wasn't the only one afraid of what this all could mean. Or perhaps they were all too young to understand. _

_Naomi remembered once, a year ago, voicing this uneasiness she had about the subject and she could still very much remember the anger it had caused her father. Once he had calmed down a bit, he had admitted that perhaps, at eleven, she wasn't mature enough to understand the complexities of such an important matter. He had then instructed her to keep paying close attention to her lessons until she understood them. It was a year later now though and Naomi still felt just as uneasy about her History lessons and it didn't seem about to change. _

_But one look at the brunette seemed to make her feel at ease. Like if, despite all the hatred in the world, there was still some good too. She just didn't understand why the good she felt was in the eyes of a very timid and quiet yet beautiful young girl though._

_;;_

_The afternoon had finally arrived and Naomi was craving her grandpapa's jam. She took a seat beneath the big oak tree that she usually took refuge under. Even if it was still in the school yard, it seemed to be a bit away from the games of marbles and balls and hopscotch. Far enough that Naomi could sit silently and relax and not risk getting a ball to the head any second. The tree itself was an old, but magnificent thing. Its bark was rough and was ripping apart in many places, but its trunk was large and its branches so numerous and large that it provided Naomi with a nice spot of shadow in sunny days. _

_She sat contently eating her sandwiches allowing her mind to go over the morning's events as she picked a bit at her bread. More importantly, her mind couldn't stop remembering the nice girl that had saved her hands from a punishment Naomi had been sure would come._

_The event had played over her mind all throughout the day, it made her smile and feel warm inside yet at the same time it made her feel anxious. She had never experienced such a reaction to another student before, not that she had much experience with interaction with others. She preferred to be on her own, doing her own things. It kept things simple, made life slightly easier. _

_Especially with the tender feeling in the air._

"_Hallo (Hi)" _

_Naomi shot round, her neck protesting furiously causing her to look back the way she was. She rubbed furiously at the offending area trying to stop the pain and her racing heart at the sound of the familiar husky voice._

"_Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you. I just saw you over here on your own and thought you might want a bit of company?" the young girl mumbled, pulling her shoulder bag closer to her in nervousness. _

_Naomi tried to compose herself, stunned at the sudden intrusion but excited that it was indeed the young girl from earlier. She tried to wrack her mind for something to say, social interaction definitely not being her strong point. She locked eyes with the brunette, it wasn't until she saw the girl in the slight sun that she realized that her hair wasn't just plain brown, but seemed to have a unique rich auburn colour. It was casting a particular shade of red that just defined her features, making her glow in the early afternoon sunlight. _

_Naomi was speechless._

"_Sorry" the auburn girl said turning away embarrassed "I should really think before I act, you clearly sat here on your own for a reas-" she muttered starting to turn away._

_The blonde's stomach flipped at the thought of the other girl leaving "Thank you" she spat causing the brunette's brow the furrow. She cleared her throat "Thank you for saving me earlier, I'm Naomi" she said holding out her hand._

_The brunette took it "I know, I'm Emily" _

_Emily she said in her mind, it sounded nice. It definitely fit her perfectly._

_Emily smiled and if Naomi had thought she was beautiful before, it was nothing compared to how she looked with a bright smile on her face._

"_Please, I'm glad you came over" The blonde smiled gesturing to the bit of grass beside her, clearing her throat again. She had never been this open to anyone before, not straight away like this. For as far as she could remember, she had never directly offered someone to sit with her or willingly started a conversation. _

_The brunette placed her bag down before bending to her knees. She seemed nervous; Naomi wondered if maybe she was having the same effect on Emily. The thought felt nice to the blonde, like, somehow, if Emily felt it too than it wasn't so embarrassing being this nervous around her. _

_The silence enveloped them, all that could be heard was the laughter and chatter of the other school kids on the playing field a few meters in the distance. _

_Naomi broke the silence, her hand fidgeting with her sandwich "I haven't seen you around before? Have you just started?"_

"_Ja (Yes), me and my family just moved here."_

"_How long have you been here?"_

"_For about a month now" The girl answered vaguely._

"_And I haven't noticed you before?!" Naomi said incredulously, regretting that she didn't keep that to herself now that she was blushing furiously as Emily smiled. _

_Emily laughed "I'm surprised you haven't noticed my twin sister. She is the flamboyant one that likes to be the centre of attention"_

"_And you don't?" Naomi asked causing Emily to look away._

"_I don't really get a chance"_

_Naomi felt for Emily but at the same time didn't really understand. She wouldn't have envied her sister, if she had had one, to always be the centre of attention. She was always one to be in the shadows, she just preferred her life that way. _

_The sun beat down on them as Emily finally got comfortable. They sat in silence just enjoying each other's company. Naomi tried to get used to having someone so close to her rather than being on her own. She was surprised to notice she didn't mind it. Or at least, she didn't mind her, she didn't mind Emily. There was something calming about the small brunette, something really hard to grasp and explain. She looked so small and so fragile, yet there was a fierceness in her eyes that Naomi had noticed almost right away. _

_As Naomi observed the girl, she noticed that every movement that came from her always seemed to be impregnated with the grace and poise her father wanted her to possess so much. But, it was clear that, to the other girl, they were natural, effortless, not forced and rehearsed like her own. Emily wasn't pretending to be anything, she just was and, perhaps, that was what made it possible for Naomi to tolerate her company, even enjoy it. _

"_Would you like one of my sandwiches? It's my grand papa's jam, he uses the strawberries in his garden" The blonde ended up asking. _

"_He's a gardener?"_

_Naomi shrugged "When he has time"_

_They both let the words wash over them and it was weird how such simple words felt so serious. Every adult seemed to have limited time these days. When they weren't working more or were too busy talking amongst themselves to take a moment and talk to their children. Naomi could tell Emily had noticed too by the way her shoulders had tensed slightly at the mention of time. _

"_This jam is precious" Emily said as she took hungry bites out of the bread._

_Naomi laughed "I know, I don't get it very often"_

"_He is a very good Jam maker"_

"_He is"_

"_Do you have many friends here?"_

_Naomi blushed before turning away, suddenly the idea of letting Emily know that she was a loner seemed a horrible thought. What would she think of her once Naomi had admitted she didn't have friends? _

"_Sorry" Emily quickly said startling Naomi._

"_W-why?"_

"_I've kind of noticed that you are always on your own, I was just wondering" Emily blushed._

"_I don't really make the effort"_

"_Can I be your friend?"_

_It was so quick and said in a small voice that Naomi almost didn't hear it, but when she realised what was said she was sure her heart raced. The smile that formed upon her lips answered it for her but she felt the need to voice it for herself._

"_I would love that"_

__**_End of flashback  
_**

.

And that had been it, a month later and the two girls were inseparable. Naomi had never had a friend before, but now that she had Emily in her life, she couldn't imagine it without her. It was an odd feeling that had worried her a bit at first. The blonde didn't easily get attached to people and usually didn't want to because people could always disappoint you, but she hadn't been able to push Emily away.

They kept on walking, hand in hand just as if they had always known each other. They soon reached a rather busier part of the city, the square, and Naomi didn't fail to notice that there were new posters plastered on the brick walls.

"_Der Sieg des Glaubens"_ (Victory of Faith)

This time it advertised a movie. Its beige colour was still shinning across the place, it seemed, the lines on the actors' drawn faces still fresh, the ink probably still humid. They were so many posters everywhere but most were faded, the slogans nearly lost with the wear of time. There were still a few visible though, like that red one that said "National-Socialismus: Der Organisierte Wille Der Nation" (National Socialism: The Organized Will of the Nation) that had been drawn by a man Naomi knew was nicknamed Mjölnir or that black one with the Party's flags that said "Nur Hitler" (Only Hitler). The blonde felt an uneasiness settle in her stomach. Every day, there were new posters added in the square with increasingly bolder slogans. Naomi had never liked the posters, although she didn't quite know why.

Emily pulled on her hand a bit then so they would walk faster. She was keeping her head low and stretching her legs as far as they could it seemed.

"Are we in a hurry?" The blonde asked, but Emily just shook her head.

"Nein, not really. But I'm excited to be there nonetheless"

Naomi nodded because it made sense and kept her friend's pace. Actually, it wasn't even hard for her to do with her longer legs and soon enough she was walking faster than the other girl tugging on her hand instead.

"That's hardly fair!" Emily complained which only made Naomi giggle.

Then, the brunette started jogging and sped past.

"Now look who is not being fair!" the blonde laughed, but quickly followed. They giggled together and ran a bit, but were stopped abruptly when Emily collided with the side of a tall Schutzstaffel, SS, soldier. Naomi felt her stomach twist as she saw the tall officer turn around slowly to face them with a clear scowl on his face. Emily squeezed her hand and the blonde squeezed back automatically.

When they had first met, Naomi had thought Emily to be a very quiet girl. After a few weeks though, she had discovered that Emily wasn't so shy at all. She liked to laugh and always had so much to say. She was smart and quite witty. So, it didn't surprise Naomi when she addressed the soldier confidently.

"Excuse us Sir, we weren't paying close enough attention" Emily spoke clearly looking at the man straight in the eyes.

The SS soldier continued to study the two of them for a moment, his eyes scanning swiftly Naomi and then lingering on Emily. The blonde squeezed her friend's hand again as a pressure of fear built in her chest. Maybe it was because Emily had been the one to collide with him, but he surely seemed to dislike her a lot more than he disliked Naomi.

"Weren't paying attention you say?" the man said, his voice like a growl.

"Yes, we're very sorry Sir!" Emily said putting on a contrite look on her face.

Because she knew her, Naomi could tell it wasn't completely sincere, but she felt sure the soldier couldn't. Besides, with her slightly pouty lips, her button nose and her natural grace, Emily really was quite a sight. Personally, Naomi would have forgiven her anything with such a look, she realized with a jolt to her heart.

The SS soldier wasn't that easily convinced though, but he did seem to relax a bit. His shoulders released their tension and so did his stance.

"Are you girls still in school?" He asked and Naomi thought it was quite dumb of him.

They definitely looked young enough to be school girls. What did he expect?

"Of course" Emily replied politely and by the look on her face Naomi could see she didn't think it was as silly a question as she did.

A dark cloud passed over the brunette's eyes as she held the soldier's stare.

"Which school?" he asked.

"Fürstin-Bismarck-Schule" Naomi said, speaking up for the first time.

She held her head high as she said it. Their school was a well reputed school in Berlin and Naomi's father had always told her to be proud of being one of their students. The soldier turned his gaze on the blonde and inspected her again. He smiled then.

"That's a very good school" he conceded. "Well, your apologies are accepted, but do watch your step next time" He finished after a moment of silence.

"We will oblige Sir, thank you for you kindness" Emily replied with a poised smile and a curtsy.

Naomi felt like snorting at such a display from her friend, but she bit the inside of her cheeks to hold her laughter. The soldier certainly seemed to appreciate the brunette's behaviour though and finally walked off after giving both girls a quick nod.

It was after he was about 10 meters away that Naomi noticed just how tightly Emily was gripping her hand. The brunette released her grip a little and sighed shakily. She then turned to Naomi and before the blonde had time to inquire what was wrong, Emily was giving her a bashful smile and tugging on her hand again.

"Come on"

They continued their previous walk and, this time, there was no laughter to fill the air around them. Naomi could tell Emily was deep in thought, but she didn't want to pry. She never pried into Emily's business and Emily didn't pry in hers. It was like they had a silent agreement that it was for the best.

A few minutes later and they had left the main part of the town and were walking on an old dirt trail. The more they walked and the more they found themselves surrounded by trees. Naomi was beginning to be really curious about their destination, but she followed on without a word. They were still holding hands and it seemed to the blonde like that simple fact was enough for her to trust Emily blindly.

After another few minutes, they turned away from the path to take another one that was barely visible among the trees. Just before disappearing into the woods, Emily gave Naomi a reassuring smile as if she had known that the other girl was becoming a bit hesitant and, just like that, Naomi continued to follow silently. They walked for a while again, carefully stepping over big boulders of rock and fallen trees.

Eventually, though, Emily did lead them somewhere and Naomi had to admit it was a very beautiful somewhere. As they stepped out of the edge of the wood, they entered a small clearing with a wide pond at the end. There were also many flower beds all around the tall green grass that made up the clearing.

"Wow" Naomi muttered under her breath while staring at the sight in front of her as if transfixed.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Emily said tugging on Naomi's hand a little.

The blonde turned around and caught her first glimpse of the brunette since they had entered the clearing and she was just dumbstruck for a moment. The thing was that the brunette didn't even look like a brunette anymore. The sun was catching her hair entirely so that it was shining with a fiery red that didn't even seem possible. Her eyes were sparkling with a million treasures and her smile was so pure that it illuminated her entire face, making her skin look like it was glowing. As Emily waited for her to say something an expectant look on her face, Naomi wondered if she had lost her power of speech.

"Yeah… it's lovely" She finally managed to articulate. "It's a lovely place"

Emily smiled even more brightly.

"I knew you'd like it" She said before finally letting go of Naomi's hand and walking further into the clearing.

Somehow, Naomi missed the contact instantly, but she didn't comment on it and followed Emily. It seemed like it was all she was doing since she had met the other girl, follow her. The blonde had an inkling that there were very few places she wouldn't follow Emily.

The brunette walked to the pond and sat gingerly on the grass just in front of the water. She took off her black shoes and her cotton socks and pulled her dress a bit higher so that it would cover her to her knees instead of to her ankles. Then, she dipped her feet in the water. As a curse erupted loudly from Emily's lips, she quickly brought a hand to her mouth in embarrassment.

"Verzeihung (Sorry)" she said with a shy look to Naomi. "The water is really cold!"

Naomi shook her head to show the petite she didn't need to worry about it and came to join her by the pond. She took off her shoes and socks as well and dipped her feet. A wave of cold went right through her chest. Emily hadn't been lying, the water really was cold. Of course, she refrained from commenting and managed to keep a straight face.

"This? Cold?" she said eyeing the brunette. "Hardly. You must be a real weakling" she teased.

Emily faked an outraged cry before dipping a hand in the water and tossing some in Naomi's direction. The blonde gasped loudly, a serious shiver running through her spine at the contact.

"Not cold huh?" Emily teased right back.

"Prepare for war!" Naomi announced before dipping her own hand and splashing her friend.

Emily yelped and jumped up and so the war did begin. They fought for a while, stopping only to gasp when freezing water made contact with their skin. They circled each other and ran around the pond and laughed some more. By the time the afternoon had rolled in, both their coats were damp and left aside to dry while the two girls lay on their backs shoulder to shoulder looking at the sky above. Emily pointed out a few clouds, making up crazy stories around what she thought they looked like. Naomi, for her part, listened fervently, sometimes even participating by telling tales from mythology that she knew by heart. Emily always listened ardently to each and every one of her words when she told stories; like her words were exquisite pieces of literature or particularly beautiful poems.

After a while, they fell silent and just kept staring at the sky. Naomi never minded silence when it was with Emily. It was never uncomfortable, never needed to be filled by meaningless conversation. But as the silence drone on, Naomi found herself thinking back about what had happened with the soldier in the morning.

"Ems…" she started softly.

"Hum?"

"I… Do you know why that soldier stared at you so much this morning?" she asked in a small voice.

Emily didn't reply right away and when Naomi chanced a look in her direction, she noticed that she seemed to be deep in thoughts.

"I don't know Naoms…" She muttered back.

For the first time in their friendship, Naomi had the feeling that the other girl hadn't been completely honest with her and it made her chest feel tighter.

"Do you know why he asked us about our school?"

"No" Emily replied and Naomi still felt like that wasn't the whole truth.

She bit at her bottom lip trying to calm the feelings that were raging in her stomach.

"Do you… do you think it matters? I mean… the reasons why he was asking, whatever his purpose was, do you think it matters?" The blonde asked, feeling like the answer would be important.

She didn't know why she was feeling like that, didn't even know for sure why she was asking, yet she had to.

"No" Emily replied firmly. "I don't think it does"

Naomi nodded slowly, a smile creeping on her lips as she recognized that, this time, Emily had told her the full truth. She didn't add anything after that and the next time someone spoke, it was Emily. The brunette rolled onto her side facing Naomi and reached a tentative hand to her shoulder. She brushed her fingers faintly on the blonde's skin and Naomi closed her eyes at the contact. Emily's fingers felt so soft that she couldn't help but enjoy it.

"Naomi…" Emily whispered.

The blonde turned her head to look into her friend's eyes and was a bit shocked when she saw so much uncertainty dancing in them.

"Yeah?" she encouraged her to continue.

"Will you… will you be my best friend forever?" she questioned a cute blush covering her cheeks rapidly.

Naomi smiled bashfully because, really, there was no way she would answer this question with anything but a definite yes.

"Of course" she replied confidently and felt her heart skip a beat when the brunette's face illuminated, her eyes now filled with gratitude and happiness where uncertainty had been moments ago.

Emily lay down on her back again and continued to stare at the sky.

"And you'll be my best friend forever as well?" Naomi demanded.

"Of course" Emily confirmed.

Later, when it was night, Naomi crept up the stairs to her room, skipping the steps that she knew creaked so she wouldn't wake her father. She sat on her bed allowing the moonlight to illuminate her room. It was ridiculously bare, and if it hadn't been for the small teddies and the picture of her family on the bedside table you wouldn't have thought a young girl lived there at all. But it was the way she wanted it. Maybe she was being stubborn, but she didn't like to create memories when the biggest part of her life was missing. It didn't seem right.

Yet despite this negative thinking she went to sleep that night content.

Emily's words replaying in her mind as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

"_Will you be my best friend forever? Of course"_

If only those words could have been enough.

.

.

**So? What do you think? Are you as excited about this as we are? I surely would hope so! We'd love to hear your thoughts on this little ambitious project of ours! **

**Also, we're not sure yet when we'll start updating the actual chapters since this story is so complex time wise (we want to be able to back pedal if we work ourselves in a corner), but now you have it, you can see it's very real and very much happening **** Happy New Year everyone, because 2013 is gonna be a great one! Xxx**

**PS from MM: Since I'm a huge HP geek, I want to say to those of you who caught the HP reference in there, props, you're awesome! I'm not even sure Emz saw it herself :P I still love you Emz though :P **


	2. Chapter 1

**Hello! Welcome!**

**Everyone enjoying skins fire? Yes? No?...course you aren't. I'm shocked, again with all the avenues they could have explored we have this. Naomi has c… I cant even type it. C-c-c….NO!**

**I need a hug. I hear is handing them out over on her separate story Educating Naomi (which by the way you better be reading!) so I thought we could all use some more so, in the form of a chapter, heres the first official chapter of Never an Absolution! **

**This was about the time we wanted to start posting the chapters, we haven't discussed a time frame of when we will be posting but I promise you it wont be long until the next chapter is up!**

**Seriously though, thank you for all the feedback from the prologue! Glad you all enjoyed it! Keep the reviews coming! Hearing and discussing your views is seriously what makes us type faster so drop us a review! Even if its just to sulk about Skins Fire!**

**Hopefully we'll all survive the night and MM will probably receive another one worded text from me summing up the episode. 'FUCK' was the last one haha**

**See you soon!**

**Now sit back, relax and enjoy.**

**.**

**.**

**June 1935 – Naomi **

My mind played the scene over and over again. Maybe it was because the night was slightly warmer than it usually was. The air was thick, suffocating almost and the cotton sheets felt heavy and rough against my skin. I felt trapped somehow. The worst part was that I wasn't even sure what was making me feel more trapped the air, those sheets, this camp or those constant thoughts running my head in circles?

I sat up in my bed, the rough mattress squeaking underneath me. Everyone else in this smelly dorm was sleeping apparently not bothered by the warmth. I looked at the old wood that was cracked in many places, trailing my eyes carefully over every nook and cranny before moving my eyes to the numerous posters that feebly attempted to hide the imperfections, counting the numbers of rips in the paper this time and the numbers of smudged areas. I did this often when my brain was clogged, when it felt like it was too much. The process was boring and repetitive, but it had its calming effects, soothing me, slowing me down. That night, I felt like I needed it, I needed this, for my brain to still and my thoughts to stop, but it wasn't working. That night, the red of the posters was only bringing me back to that memory I was trying so hard to avoid.

This was the third time in a row now I had replayed it that day and I had no idea why it had chosen that night of all nights to keep me up.

.

**_Flash back Germany December 1933 _**

.

_"Ich reise ab"_ _(I'm leaving) _

_I don't know why but the words hit me like bullets, those were not the words I expected to hear come from Emily's lips. They made my heart stop._

_My mind was racing with questions, each fighting to be asked first. _

_The day that I had presumed was going to be another tense ordinary day soon turned into one that would torment my mind for years to come. I had never been good with goodbyes, that much was obvious, but there was something particularly worse about unplanned ones and this was definitely unplanned. I felt silly for thinking it, but I hadn't thought Emily would leave. I guess I had never thought about it much, but, ridiculously enough, there hadn't been one moment where I hadn't imagined her right there with me in the future._

_"Why?!" I choked, my voice momentarily shocked like the rest of my body._

_She wouldn't look at me and somehow that made me angrier than her saying she was leaving. She was fidgeting on her spot a little, her brown eyes looking everywhere they could, but never at me. Why wouldn't she just look at me? I wanted to reach for her, take hold of her small shoulders and shake her until she told me what was going on. Of course I didn't. I would have been much too afraid to hurt her. Emily was just so small. I often teased her about it, but today I didn't feel like laughing. I didn't feel like laughing at all. I don't know why it was affecting me so much. How could Emily leave me? We were meant to be best friends. And it was meant to last forever. _

_"My parents have decided that they want to keep Katie and I close with everything that's happening, so they want us to move schools" she glanced at me before quickly adverting her eyes, I could see the unshed tears demanding to be released at the edge of her eyes._

_I didn't understand fully what her parents meant but it certainly wasn't new. Emily and Katie wouldn't be the first kids to go, so many had gone in the past year or so. Things were changing and I had a feeling it wasn't for the best. The laughter that had filled the corridors of the school was gone and in its place, there was this feeling, this anxiousness always floating around. _

_Only a few years ago, if you'd have asked who Hitler was, people would have shrugged. Now though, Hitler was a name everyone knew, a name that some people said with pride, a name that some people said with joy, but also a name that some people whispered with doubt and fear. _

_I'd have never told my father, for I felt certain he would have disapproved, but I wasn't sure I liked how the world was becoming. Especially if it was a world in which I'd keep losing everyone I cared about. _

_"Do you believe it's for the best?" I asked hating how vulnerable I sounded but I was scared._

_She didn't answer._

_We were stood in the middle of the school playing fields. Classes had finished almost an hour ago now. It was empty and the wind gave me a horrible feeling every time it swept past me. Before, loads of kids stayed after school either playing hopscotch or marbles. They didn't do that anymore those days or at least they didn't do it during school night. It was just sad. Or maybe I was feeling so sad myself that everything seemed to be. _

_I waited longer, but Emily still didn't answer._

_I just watched her; watched the wind swoosh past her hair making it slightly cover her face causing her to blink. It made a lone tear fall down her face._

_This all felt so hopeless. I hated it._

_"Do you want to leave Emily?!"_

_My nerves were putting me on edge and her stubbornness not to answer was driving me insane. I was just about to leap forward when she finally looked at me._

_Her eyes were broken._

_"Nein, I don't Nai" she almost squeaked._

_I stepped forward "Then don't" I pleaded._

_She looked away, my heart was thumping in my chest, my skin was sweating._

_"I have to, it's for the best"_

_"For who?!"_

_She kicked the grass beneath her feet with her shoes, she was wearing a plain black dress that hugged her figure perfectly. I always admired how she looked, always wearing nice dresses, always perfectly coiffed, but now I felt betrayed. _

_We hadn't known each other long, not like normal best friends but since meeting her we'd shared this connection, an understanding. I was comfortable around her not like all the other girls, especially the ones I shared a dorm with at camp. I had tried to convince Emily to come to my camp, because the idea of having her there made the knowledge of going back a lot better, she had never agreed; now I knew she never would._

_What she said next was cryptic _

_"Look Naomi; soon we won't even be able to breathe without explaining our actions. I can't live like that; I shouldn't have to live like that"_

_It was a massive thing for a thirteen year old to say but we had to grow up quick here. Everything was happening quickly now, taking your time for anything was seen as a waste of time. We were just thirteen, but already we were being told how to be. At school we were taught how to be ideal German citizen and at camp I was being shown how to become the perfect German wife for my one day husband. It never felt right and this was no different._

_I knew things were going to change, I was just so confused I didn't know how to understand everything. Last night my papa had hung the Nazi flag out of my bedroom window, I hated the sight of it. The harsh lines felt so final, so strict, I didn't like it. I hated that the red of that flag would remind me of Emily's hair every time I looked at it now. If she was leaving, I didn't want to remember her. Remembering would just cause me more pain in the end, yet, I knew I wouldn't be able to forget her either. _

_And, really, what would I have left if Emily was gone? It hadn't always been like that, but now, Papa and I barely spoke to each other. We never seemed to find the words. Papa was a man of a few words anyway, always had been. He was tall and proud with powerful shoulders and a firm handshake. Most people liked him, he was a social man, but with me it wasn't the same. There were many nights were we wouldn't utter even a single word to each other. I knew what he expected of me and I did it, no questions asked. It was better not to ask questions with him. _

_I couldn't control my anger as I said the next thing through clenched teeth "Wann? (When)"_

_"eins woche (One week)"_

_7 days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes, 604,800 seconds._

_It wasn't enough time._

_The uncertainty, the "what happens after" started to worry me. What school would she be going to? How far was it from here? Could I get to it? Could I move? Was this really the end of our friendship or would I be able to see her again? I wanted to ask her all these questions but as soon as I glanced at her again I could see the despair across her face. She really meant it when she said she didn't want to go and knowing that fact only made my heart ache slightly less. _

_I simply nodded and forced a smile on my face. It was small and strained but I wanted to see her smiling again. When she smiled back, the sight was so heart-breaking that I immediately wished she hadn't. _

_That week went by so fast; like someone had wanted to make fools of us and had sped up time. There was so much mystery surrounding the reasons for her and Katie leaving; I knew she wanted to tell me but every time she went to she'd stop. I'd see her lips quivering as they fought against her mind, her mind always won._

_During the time we had left, I'd find myself watching her; something just told me that I wasn't going to see her again. It was a dreadful feeling, chilling me to the bones. I think I realized the second she had told me she was leaving that I'd miss her every single day. _

_She would become a figment of my past and I wanted my mind to create a painting of her so if I was forced to remember her then I'd never forget exactly who she was._

_The day she left I cried for the first time in a long time. I don't think I had ever felt so lonely, like I was completely alone with no one to understand me, no one left to care._

_Just a papa that was a ghost of the man he had been and now just wanted to control me._

_._

**June 1935 – Naomi **

.

I decided to get up because there was no way I would fall asleep now. Not when I had just replayed the whole thing for the fourth time in a row. I slipped out of my bunk bed easily, soundlessly. To be honest, this wasn't the first time I found myself unable to sleep, not the first time by far. And when it wasn't because I couldn't sleep, I would slip out because I wanted to avoid my dorm mates and their constant giggling and talking about a few of the boys we had met from the Youth. It was irritating, aggravating and personally, I couldn't seem to be interested in it at all. Whenever I had one of those nights, I just went for a walk around the camp and tried to clear my mind.

There was only one thing positive about the Bund Deutscher Mädel and it was the location. The camp was in the country side a fair bit away from Berlin and it was a little heaven of nature. The trees were plentiful and the camp had been set up right next to a lake so there was a beach about a mile away. The camp leaders always made us do all sorts of sports and activity like swimming and trekking so I guess it figured. Still, it was nice to be able to escape the noise of the city.

Berlin had changed so much in the past years it was incredible. Now that Hitler was our Führer everything was moving so fast. The country was reorganizing, as they said. Der Führer wanted to "take Deustchland back to its former glory". I wasn't even sure what that meant, but I could see that most people were inspired and eager for that to happen. More men were signing up to the military forces every day and the SS forces had replaced the SA as our police force. I knew my papa was a proud supporter of the Nazi movement which was why I was spending my third summer in the BDM. What I was being taught here was all approved by the party and there was no room for any other views. It upset me, intrigued me. It made me doubtful as well. There had been a time when I had been told to keep an open mind on things, but that time was gone.

Usually, it would be all those churning thoughts that kept me awake or made me feel apart from the rest of the girls. But not tonight. Tonight there was only one thing on my mind.

Emily.

I was right; thirteen year old me was right. I hadn't seen or heard from her since she had left, but I had missed her every single day. Forgetting hadn't been an option apparently.

It hurt more than I could ever admit. I had lost my best friend. No actually, I had lost the only real friend I had ever had. I didn't play well with others, because, mainly I didn't like to. I didn't meddle; I kept to my own things. Emily had always been my one exception of this. It had amazed me then and it still amazed me now, how easily Emily had carved a place into my life, how easily Emily had made herself fit. It had never been hard with her, I hadn't even needed to try.

"Stop this" I told myself sternly.

There was no use thinking about Emily now, she had been gone for 2 years and thinking about her wouldn't bring her back. I hated this feeling in the bottom of my heart, this feeling that somehow I needed her around. I didn't need anyone, never needed anyone. Sure I had liked Emily's company and missed our friendship, but that was as far as it went.

I walked on, passing silent dormitories as I went. I was careful, accounting for each step before taking it. I couldn't make noise, I couldn't be found out. I wasn't allowed to wander at night and punishments for disobedience were harsh here. I'd never been seen so far and I intended on keeping it that way. Besides, there was something pleasant about carefulness, something pleasant about this focused walk. It did ease my mind a bit, took my body to a place of rest as all my actions were centred on this one goal of being silent.

I hesitated a second between the forest and the beach not sure where I'd go tonight. I chose the beach because the moon was small in the sky and didn't shine enough to light up a path between the trees. The forest would be too dark and I could easily get lost even if I knew my way really well.

My toes touched the sand and an instant relaxation took over my body. I had made it without being caught, again. I smiled as my eyes focused on the sea. It was calm this evening, the water barely moving while the moon, high in the sky, casted a beautiful if albeit small glow to alight the beach. The wave's crashed slowly against the shore, I could smell the distinct sea salt smell that I'd learned to love. The feel of the sea breeze against your skin at night didn't have the same effect it did during the day when you were surrounded by cloned girls all skipping and obeying rules they didn't fully understand.

My mind was still tormented by my earlier thoughts though. Every time I closed my eyes a flash of red would cause me to open them quickly. I shook my head trying to rid my mind of all its thoughts and images. Why was I thinking of her? Why did it trouble me so much that she had left? It's not like I had known her that long. I was deep in thoughts when a voice startled me.

"You know it's against the rules to be out this late?"

The sand was uneven beneath my feet and, as I thrashed around to see the intruder, I stumbled. I let out a squeal as my ankle twisted awkwardly and I went down with a flop.

When I raised my eyes to glare at whoever had made me trip, they fell upon a girl my age, dressed in the same plan navy blue skirt and white blouse, smirking at me.

"Do you know it's rude to sneak up on people?" I retorted, rolling my eyes at the pathetic come back.

She scoffed slightly, her legs folding "Actually I was here first"

"Ha! Well then maybe I need to tell you the rules about leaving the camp at night" I replied in a pitiful attempt to get the upper ground.

She smiled brushing off some of the sand I had catapulted on her when I fell "No need, I already know them"

It was my turn to scoff then "Do they not apply to you then oh great being?" I said sarcastically.

"Of course they do, I just choose to ignore them"

I took a moment to really see her for the first time then. She was beautiful, her hair long and wavy from being left to dry.

Her eyes were a brilliant shade of blue, darker and deeper than mine. They had the soft colour of the Morpho butterfly, with a hint of frailness, but yet they still seemed sharp and precarious. She had the kind of eyes that attracted people, boys. I could already imagine how they could get lost in them, as if enchanted, struggling to find words to describe them and never quite managing to forget the particular brilliance they held.

Her skirt was tight, hugging her waist almost too perfectly, her feet bare. There was also something about her that seemed to ooze with confidence, with grandeur. Like she wasn't quite at the same level others were, like she was of purer blood and she knew it.

Despite all that, she looked lonely. I wasn't sure, but I think it was when I noticed this wave of loneliness engulfing her so snuggly that I felt all the fight leave me.

I stood up brushing the sand off my skirt.

There was a silence surrounding us now that I had stopped trying to get a verbal upper hand with her. It wasn't uncomfortable per se, but it wasn't pleasant either.

The girl just stared off into the sea and I wondered for a moment whether I should just leave. We weren't friends although, now that I had taken the time to properly look at her, I knew I had seen her around the camp a couple of times and had even spoken a few polite words to her once or twice. I had seen her cause a few moment of trouble during my time here, asking questions she shouldn't have such as 'why?'. Women here, or anywhere really, were never supposed to ask why, we were meant to do as our husbands would eventually ask when the time came.

I had always really admired this stranger for asking though.

"Mind if I join you in the ignoring?" I asked really hoping she would let me have this moment of no longer being on my own.

Maybe it was because she really was lonely, I'm not sure, but she nodded and I took a place on the sand beside her while trying to contain the smile that erupted on my face and trying not to stumble in the process.

We didn't really talk, just allowed the sound of the waves crashing and the wide life roaming to engulf us. If it hadn't been for the girl's quiet breathing I would have still thought I was on my own. I found myself thinking about this strange girl then, trying to figure her out. I was mostly doing anything to keep my mind from going back to Emily and the day she had left, if I was honest.

It was trickier than I thought, figuring her out. She wasn't like anyone I'd ever met. Yes, she was beautiful, but it looked almost tragic when paired with the lost expression I could see in her eyes. I had never seen anyone look so casual yet so pained.

I picked up a handful of sand and watched as it slowly crumbled and fell from my hand allowing the calm wind to carry it. I tried to stop my mind from comparing my life with the crumbling sand, I tried not to associate the large clump that had just fallen with Emily leaving.

"How often do you come out here?" the quiet mysterious brunette asked.

I lied "I don't, this is my first time" I didn't want to get into trouble. I didn't know if I could trust her. You could never assume nowadays.

"I would have believed you had we of met somewhere closer"

"Ich kann nicht verstehenI (I don't understand)"

The girl laughed "It's almost a twenty five minute walk to get to this point and only someone who knows where they are going would make it here"

"It's not particularly hard to get here" I teased suddenly beginning to feel at ease with the stranger.

She laughed again "have you seen some of the girls we live with?"

I laughed because she was right. On a few of the orienteering trips the camp had organised I'd been grouped with a few girls that could not read a map to save their lives, nor could they understand the concept of north, south, east and west. Their excuses were 'it was their future husband's job to know' and that annoyed me. Was it really that bad to know things regardless of the fact that it wasn't expected of you to know them?

I liked to learn things, to know them and know I could count on myself only and not on a future husband. Women weren't supposed to allow themselves independence or the chance to really express their own opinions. Thoughts would only really come from the men we would marry. I didn't agree with that, obviously, but most girls did.

"How often do you really come here?"

"Mindestens einmal die woche (At least once a week)"

"Dangerous, I like it. I'm Effy" the girl offered.

I smiled, the aroma from this mysterious girl now whom I knew to be Effy rubbing off on me.

"Naomi"

She smiled "It's nice to meet another roamer Naomi"

;;

**June 1936- Naomi**

.

It was from that moment on that we formed a delicate yet strong friendship, my first friendship since Emily. That summer, Effy and I would meet every Wednesday after our agriculture lessons at the beach, we would walk the length of it repetitively laughing and joking about our week before our limbs would become fatigued and we would retreat back to our dorms. It was easy with Effy. We had a lot in common, it turned out and it was nice to finally have an ally at camp. Besides, it always took my mind off Emily.

When the summer had ended, we'd kept in touch. We didn't go to the same school because Effy lived in a different part of Berlin than I did, but it was still easy to meet on weekends and such. When the new summer had rolled around, the brunette and I had resumed our night time escapades as if no time at all had passed.

What was amazing was that we were never caught, both too careful to let that happen. It was dangerous yet exciting at the same time and if there was one thing Effy and I both enjoyed, it was the thrill of doing something different, the thrill of _being_ different. We weren't being moulded like the other girls, we were our own individuals and every night at the beach felt like a concrete way of affirming just that.

"I've met a boy" Effy told me one night.

I picked up the sand, watching the particles pour from between my fingers and onto my foot, a habit I had taken to. My blue skirt was blowing in the wind and I felt the bow in my hair flutter against my head.

"Oh?" I asked intrigued.

Despite this camp being very focussed on making us the model women citizen, Effy had never once mentioned anything about the type of husband she would like.

"Ja (Yes)" she simply answered.

I smiled picking up another handful of sand "Will you tell me anymore?"

"He's brunette, rather handsome"

"Sounds pleasant" I offered never really knowing how to answer these types of offerings of information.

For the first time since I had met Effy she was showing signs of becoming one of the typical girls in this camp and it scared me. The one thing I liked most about her was her individuality and she always seemed to pride herself in that. Somehow, the thought of her becoming just one of the _others_ was horrible.

Effy rolled around in the sand, her excitement flowing off her in waves. Her skirt was becoming covered in sand and I couldn't stand the look on her face. It annoyed me, she reminded me of all the other girls in my dorm, Amber, Lilly, Abigail and so on, swooning over idiotic boys that would grow to treat them as objects.

Effy was supposed to be _my _friend. She was supposed to _understand_ the bigger picture. She was supposed to stay herself, _we_ were supposed to stay ourselves… together.

"Tell me more" I insisted standing up, barely managing to hide my frown from Effy.

She smiled standing up as well, brushing off her clothes.

"I met him the other day when I took a walk. Mary in my dorm was talking endlessly about this boy she favoured in the Youth and I couldn't stand the boring details she was going into so I decided to sneak out the back door. I'm not sure how long I had been walking for before I bumped into him" she looked at me then, mischief in her eyes "I mean literally bumped into him"

I giggled and grabbed her arm, suddenly allowing myself to become one of the norm just for a moment "Tell me, what did he say to that?"

"Well after I picked him up off the floor he simply brushed himself down and offered his hand to me. He looked just a bit older and he introduced himself as Diederich"

"Ohhh what a fine German name" I teased.

"Ja and his surname is Braur so a strong German background"

I think it's when I saw the seriousness in Effy's eyes that I realized we weren't mocking the camp anymore, but we meant it. I could see the Bund Deutscher Mädel reflecting off us, like a virus that had seeped through our veins and was coming out with our words, changing them, tainting them. It was scary.

Despite our best efforts to try and retain ourselves as individuals we were subconsciously becoming the robots Hitler wanted us to be, the perfect wives, and although I didn't object to that completely I still hated the way we were almost slaves to our husbands. I didn't even know why I was fighting it so much, why I felt like I had to resist the change. Wasn't it what everyone wanted, for us to change? Wasn't it supposed to be a good thing? Yet, I couldn't let it go, I couldn't let myself go. And I surely wouldn't let Effy go either.

Maybe it was because of _her_... Maybe that was why I had adopted this opposed kind of thinking and behaviour, or maybe it was Hitler's slow gaining over power that made me question the bigger picture but deep down I was struggling with the concept, more than anything it scared me.

Before I could fight it, I started thinking of_ her_ then, my mother. I tried to ignore the resentment I felt towards her because she was gone. I wondered what she would have thought of me now, my body wrapped up in the BDM uniform, my grades showing I would be the perfect wife, that I wasn't resisting all that much. All I did was obey despite my mind telling me all the reasons why I shouldn't. I obeyed because I knew my father would show me some form of affection if I did. I knew he missed her, even if he never talked about it. I could see it in his eyes every time he visited me. I could see that I reminded him of her.

She had left so abruptly and she had wounded us both in the process. I don't think either of us had expected it.

Sometimes at night, if I took too long to fall asleep, I could hear her voice in my head, I could hear her laughter. There had been nights in the past where I had laid awake for hours, just trying to remember how soft her hands had been when she'd caress my skin to sleep. But all of this was in the past… her as much as the memories I had of her.

"Everything okay Nai?" Effy asked me, slowly bringing me back to the present day.

"Ja sorry, just thinking about my Mama" Effy stopped walking causing me to swing round and look at her.

I knew this was a sudden big change in conversation from her talking about Diederich but her expression confused me "Was (what)?"

Effy shook her head quickly trying to regain her composure "Nothing, it's just that I don't think you've ever mentioned her before"

"I don't like to" I answered honestly. I hated talking about my mother but I knew the next question Effy would ask was inevitable.

"Why?"

"es verletzt" (It hurts) I admitted with a shrug barely managing to get my mind back from my memories.

Effy nodded slowly, I think she understood, even if she didn't, not really. We stayed silent for a moment, just enjoying the quietness of the beach and the feel of the sand on our feet.

"Do you really like him?" I asked my friend shyly after a moment turning my head to look at her answer.

She shrugged the moment my question was out, but seemed to pause to think afterwards. I studied her face carefully, noting the crease in her eyebrows as she contemplated my question properly.

"Nien" she replied shaking her head.

"Nein?" I pushed a bit.

"I… at least he's not from the Youth" She explained.

I nodded because it made sense, more sense than Effy suddenly becoming a German housewife at least. Still, something wasn't sitting right with me. I knew there had to be more to this.

"Did something happen?" I asked Effy.

Her brow furrowed and she pursed her lips.

"Effy…" I whispered reaching my hand to grab her wrist. "können Sie mir sagen" (You can tell me)

My friend stopped walking and I saw her take a big breath before speaking.

"My dad came to visit…" she said not looking at me.

I felt my blood freeze in my veins. Effy's dad was a SS soldier and from what Effy had told me, he was an influential man. He was also very strict and supported the Nazi party's beliefs completely. Eff rarely spoke of him, but when she did, her eyes always seemed to get just a tad darker and more distant. I knew she didn't get along too well with her father and perhaps it was one of the main reason why we were such good friends. After all, I could relate to that particular feeling.

"es dir gut?" (Are you okay?) I asked.

Effy nodded, but her eyes were still stubbornly fixed on the water and I could tell by the tension in her shoulders that she wasn't being completely honest. I didn't push her for information, because I knew she'd hate me for it. We sat on the sand and just listened to the waves.

"He wants me to find a husband" Effy whispered several minutes later.

"Oh?"

"Yeah…"

I frowned to myself, thinking about what Effy had just said. We could try and fight the norm, we could try to keep ourselves from changing, but the fact was there _were_ things that were expected of us. And finding a suitable husband was one of them.

"If I don't find myself a man to date, my father will make me date soldiers in the SS. At least Dietrich isn't in the Youth and he's not as old as the soldiers my father was talking about" Effy continued, her voice levelled, controlled as always. I knew thought that the calmness of her tone was hiding the storm brewing in her soul.

I caught myself thinking about my own father. Would he ask that of me as well? After all, I had never dated any boys either and neither had I ever shown any interest to. It's not that I didn't like boys, but the Youth ones were all the same. All praising Hitler and his speeches of grandeur. They all wanted to join the military and they all wanted to "serve in the name of Deutschland". It was boring, it was ludicrous. I didn't want one of those boys. I could understand Effy then for considering a boy form town. Also, if he hadn't reported her for being out of camp, maybe he wasn't completely sold to the Nazi's policy like the Youths were.

"Are you going to see him again?" I asked her.

"Ja"

"Wann?" (when)

"Friday night"

I nodded before chancing a look in my friend's direction. She looked so far away in that moment even though she was right next to me. I grabbed her hand with mine and laced our fingers together.

"mir leid" (I'm sorry) I said softly.

A small smile crept slowly on the brunette's lips. "It's not your fault"

I nodded because she was right, but I still felt guilty. Guilty because I couldn't help my friend. Guilty because she was trapped and I wasn't and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

I didn't reply anything, I didn't need to. Effy knew just like I did that it was only a matter of time before my Papa would give me a similar speech. Perhaps it wouldn't be this year, but it would come. In the end, we were all stuck in the same situation and there was no escaping.

** .**

**.**

**So that is that. MM here now. Let's just treat ourselves to another hug, yeah? We can use another hug :D Anyway, hit us up with your thoughts :) Cheers!**

**MM (and Emz too, Emz loves you all too)**


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